Amends

I admit, that last post was really about what I wanted to write. And, while I appreciate the depth that it presents about our relationship, it was a departure from the original intent of this blog. The whole point really, was always to please him. And in truth, that is my entire life.


As he fucked me the other morning he quietly said:

“I am just using you to find the pussy I actually want to fuck.”

This relates to our latest…side project.  I am required to write women on Tinder, on his behalf, and line up his social calendar of dates.

I have unfortunately not been as successful as he would like.  Which, as per our usual line of sexy talk, is typical because I always fuck everything up.

He has had one quasi-sexy date, and one that went the way of many internet dates (there was false advertising).  So I’m not doing well.

I will report back if I ever manage to get him the things that he wants.

I’m trying so hard.

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Filed under complexity, humiliation, sexy projects, submission

Malleable

This is not a linear narrative.  It also is, despite its truth, incomplete.  Even incomplete in all the sexy details.  So much is unwritten.   I find myself wanting to detail some of those left behind moments.  I want to continue this journey and this exploration, here.

After that desperately sad conclusion, you may have found yourself idly wondering, is that really it?  Or perhaps not, perhaps my terrible story was convincingly bleak, that you were sure this blog would never be updated again.

So what comes from this incomplete accounting of what is a real life?  What has happened since May is…accurately an evolution.  An evolution that is positive, sexy and incredibly interesting.  In some ways, life is simpler and less extravagant, in other ways more complex and stranger.   I want to write about it.  I also want to write about some of those unwritten tales.   I have many times started writing, and then stopped.  Because it seems like such a big task.

How do I reassert the narrative flow, my voice, this story?  A story which will never be accurate when discussed here.  Do I continue with a flourish?  I could satisfy your curiosity about just how many rules there are, starting with Rule 7.  Do I continue with a relationship state of the union, that explains why I have a hard time remembering what Rule 7 is these days?  For the record I just looked it up and it is S-E-X-Y.  Personally, I love the idea that I am telling the truth here.  But, you, my audience, will never know THE TRUTH.  You’ll just know a slice of it.  The question of narrative honesty only matters to a point.

I don’t know exactly where to begin (again).

I will leave you with a few details.  Our story is not over.  We are still living a life. Together, but changed.   I started that older post with this thought, “He and I never intended to have the kind of relationship that we have now.”  In part, that still feels true. However, were I to write that post now, about the present, I would talk about intention.  I would talk about challenges.  I would talk about acceptance.   I would talk about malleability.

I would also tell you some sexy sexy things.

 

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Filed under beginning, complexity, contradiction, malleability, no meta, relationship chatter, will, writing this damn thing

Evolution

Friday.

At work, numb.

Saturday.

Tears streaming down my face, cum dripping down my thighs.

Sunday.  

Sore back, a friends couch.

Monday.

The veranda, distraction.

Tuesday.

An odd unsatisfying meeting.

Wednesday.

Choking on his cock in the morning was the best part of my day.


I confess to you, my anonymous non-existent internet audience, that he has left me.   And in so many ways, this is over.  I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to write about that, if anything.  After all, I’m not writing here to connect with friends or write about my latest work day or fight with my Mom.  I don’t owe you (whoever you are) anything.  However, this has been, in some ways, the most honest thing I’ve ever done.   So it seemed appropriate that I end the same way I started, with brutal, challenging, sometimes disturbing, honesty.


 

I also am not sure how I just “move on” from all this.  I feel, in a word, owned by him.   I ceded control over the dumbest, most intimate parts of my day to him.  I find that I can’t even conduct routine tasks without constantly being reminded of his dominance over me.

I am of course free to do what I’d like now.   Yet, rather than feeling relaxed or self-righteous, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  It seems wrong somehow to be doing these things all on my own.  And I don’t recognize the person who does.   In some ways, I suppose all this is akin to all the feelings anyone would feel when faced with an end they are not ready for.  But, to me this feels deeply different.  The emotional and sexual side of our relationship was so explicit.  And all of this is US that I don’t merely feel sad or broken hearted…I feel…constantly confused, lost and alone.

So, we evolve.  And this sexy blog becomes a time capsule.  Maybe with a few more addendums.

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Filed under ending, writing this damn thing

Still a little unclear

Previously on Weird Sexy Hijinks, I alluded to a task I was performing.    In further pictures, I present the full extent of the thing.

At work…

Jar 2 - 3-21

Also at work…

Jar 3 - 3-21

At a bar, after work…

Jar 4 - 3-21

Also at a bar, after work…

Jar 5 - 3-21

Finally, the end of the day, at home.

Jar 6 - 3-21

So what happened next?  Still TBD I am afraid.

Current state:

Waiting

There was talk of pouring that all over my face with my mouth open…

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Filed under bathroom use control, discipline, photos

Today’s Task (In Progress)

In progress

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March 21, 2014 · 5:20 pm

March

Below is a text I exchanged with a friend just a little while ago (apologies for the ham-fisted editing).    And, no, that icon over there wasn’t so I could be vague about my identity.  It happens to be a photo of me in a chicken mask that is my avatar on just about everything now.

Anyhow.

Text

The text seems fairly normal, but it represents one of my punishments for the month.  For the month of March I have to ask him for permission before I make any social plans.   This was one of those ideas of his that when it first came up, I thought it sounded, fairly innocuous, perhaps even boring.

I’ve found since we started all this, it is pretty sexy.   When I sent one of the first requests early in the month, I knew it was going to be fun.

Daddy, 

I wanted to write and ask if it is OK if I hang out with Sarah on Wednesday night?

 

Obviously no plans have been formally made, but she and I were discussing doing something after work.

 

What do you think?

 

Thanks for considering my request.  I think it helps to have your input because I am so terrible at managing my own time.
 I have to admit that in some really horny moment I might have suggested that we just make this a permanent rule.

 

Of course, I guess now is a relevant time to mention part of the reason I have been so incredibly wound up this month is that in addition to this fairly sexy task, I also can’t cum.  At all.  For the whole month of March.  I have been so stupidly horny that I got sort of angry about the whole thing earlier in the week.  I just, really want to have an orgasm.  It has been a while since I’ve wanted to so badly.  It has also been a while since he has been this serious about not letting me cum.  Don’t get me wrong, I’d say it is fairly unusual for me to be allowed to cum in any given sexual encounter.  But a month is pretty serious business.  It is also somehow worse because I know that it isn’t even a possibility for the whole month.  He isn’t going to change his mind and I’m not going to be allowed to make a mistake.

 

So, that is how my March is going so far.

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Filed under control, denial, discipline, orgasm control, orgasm denial, permission, ridiculous texting, Uncategorized

Organization is Important

Home Improvement

 

I like things to be neat and tidy.

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Filed under domestic, photos